Dare Not to Compare

I can still hear the words of Mrs. Peitz, my third-grade teacher: “Keep your eyes on your own paper.” Back then our answers were supposed to be the same. It was a temptation to compare my answers with my neighbors’ because I wanted them to be right. What I didn’t understand was that my neighbors’ answers weren’t always correct, and so comparing didn’t always guarantee a good score.

Since third grade, we’ve grown individually into different people, with answers (or lives) that should be different as well. Yet we continue to check our choices against what our neighbors might be choosing — we continue to compare.

For years I’ve worked with the girl’s youth group at church. The one thing they all have in common is their desire to fit in. Each exhibiting her insecurities in a different way. What they don’t realize is they will never fit in when they are trying to be something they are not. Like a moving target that we continually miss with each aim, fitting in requires us to change with each new gimmick, trend, or fad. And just when we think we’ve got it, the target moves and we are hustling to try to fit in all over again.

Belonging

Belonging is different from fitting in and is really what we yearn for. “Fitting in is about assessing the situation and becoming who you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t…